Monday, October 18, 2010

An honest confession

For the past several years now, my Mom, followed by my aunt, have hounded me to join BSF. Well, this year, I finally did.

I'm not quite sure if I'm glad or not yet. They told me it would be life changing. They are right. And those changes happened almost immediately.

Not to mention that the study for BSF this year is on Isaiah. For the past month, I've been living under the conviction of what a Holy God our God truly is. I always knew God is holy, but after studying Isaiah, I'm just beginning to barely grasp what holy actually is.

Last week's lesson was particularly convicting to me. We were reading Isaiah 6, in which Isaiah has his vision and is commissioned by God. God tells Isaiah that despite all his warnings, the people of Judah's hearts will be so hardened they they will not change their ways.

Matthew 12:34b says, "for out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks."

Here comes a really honest confession; I am quick to anger. Yes, even over the little things. Especially over the little things. Like when I spill a cup of milk all over myself and my clean kitchen. Even though I might not speak them out loud, the first words that pop into my head are not holy words.

My prayer this week is that my heart is not already hardened this way. I don't want my heart to be full of anger. I don't want to be like Isaiah's people, who are already so far gone that these warnings will fall on deaf ears. And, especially, I don't want to teach my children to become easily frustrated and angry. They watch my reactions and I need to be careful to show calm, patience, and understanding to them.

15 comments:

Kat said...

Me too! I have a very quick temper. I am constantly working on it.
I think this post was for me. ;)

Carrie said...

Ugh...I know just what you mean :( sometimes I fly off the handle immediately, but sometimes I'm able to relax and say, "it's okay" It's so hard being a mom, because we seem to deal with all the little things ALL the time :) I've been considering BSF once I'm done with MOPS, I'm glad to hear it's speaking to your heart! I hope you share more! Have a great day...don't cry over spilled milk, haha! {I'm just kidding :) }

Kelli said...

I absolutely get that! The one question about what people hear out of my mouth and how it shows what's in my heart was powerful. It's something I need to work on especially when talking to my children, I've been quick to snap more lately and I don't like it. BSF is wonderful and is life changing. So glad you joined. This week's questions are really hard...can't wait till discussion!

Kmama said...

That is a great message. I completely understand because I'm the same way, and Buddy is learning my ways. It makes me sad.

Kelli @ RTSM said...

Such a great verse...but very convicting for sure! I have a quick temper too. Sometimes I think that just comes along with having little kiddos, but it is something I need to work on for sure too! Thanks for being so open and for sharing such a great lesson I'm sure everyone can use!

He & Me + 3 said...

I think I might need to read through Isaiah. I am the same way. Quick to anger. Thus my not proud mommy moment last week. grrrr.

HeatherOz said...

A GREAT lesson for me too! It just kills me when I see my kids following in some of my bad footprints!

Emmy said...

The fact that you don't always say them and that you are aware of this tendency and want to change it shows you are so far away from the level of hardness the children of Isreal were.

But yes, this too is something I work on daily.

Sierra said...

I am right there with you on this one. My first internal reaction is one that the kids would land in the naughty spot for. Ugh. Well, with God all things are possible, including the taming of our tempers.

blueviolet said...

I know that's a tough one, and I'm thinking that with God's help he will give you the ability to walk away without reacting even if just for a few seconds to stop that initial outburst.

It sounds like BSF will be a wonderful experience for you!

Rachel said...

So true! Isn't it funny how your kids can make you want to be a better person? I am excited for you and BSF! I'm looking into it!

Foursons said...

Whatever you do, DON'T pray for patience! He will test you mercilessly until you learn it. :D

Angie said...

I need to be a better teacher to my kids too. Patience is a big thing in my life that I am focusing on. I'm working on it one day at a time.

Meant to be a mom said...

I love this post, I could use a little self control in the quick to anger department. I think its great that your taking those classes. What a wonderful thing to help lift up your life and heart.
Thanks for sharing this one.

Oh and also thanks for the baby congrats. We are SOOO excited!

Krystyn said...

I've never heard of BSF before...sounds like it's working well!

I think all of us mothers are quick to anger...I know I need to work on it.