An honest confession

For the past several years now, my Mom, followed by my aunt, have hounded me to join BSF. Well, this year, I finally did.

I'm not quite sure if I'm glad or not yet. They told me it would be life changing. They are right. And those changes happened almost immediately.

Not to mention that the study for BSF this year is on Isaiah. For the past month, I've been living under the conviction of what a Holy God our God truly is. I always knew God is holy, but after studying Isaiah, I'm just beginning to barely grasp what holy actually is.

Last week's lesson was particularly convicting to me. We were reading Isaiah 6, in which Isaiah has his vision and is commissioned by God. God tells Isaiah that despite all his warnings, the people of Judah's hearts will be so hardened they they will not change their ways.

Matthew 12:34b says, "for out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks."

Here comes a really honest confession; I am quick to anger. Yes, even over the little things. Especially over the little things. Like when I spill a cup of milk all over myself and my clean kitchen. Even though I might not speak them out loud, the first words that pop into my head are not holy words.

My prayer this week is that my heart is not already hardened this way. I don't want my heart to be full of anger. I don't want to be like Isaiah's people, who are already so far gone that these warnings will fall on deaf ears. And, especially, I don't want to teach my children to become easily frustrated and angry. They watch my reactions and I need to be careful to show calm, patience, and understanding to them.