And I thought it was hard swimsuit shopping for myself!

Here's a fair warning: I'm a pretty opinionated person and I'm about to be totally honest here. I will probably offended someone. People have different views on what's appropriate and what's not and I'm only talking about what I feel is appropriate for my own children.

I used to love bathing suit shopping. You know, back in the day when I had a rockin' body and every teeny, itty-bitty, bikini looked awesome on me.

When I had a girl, I thought I would enjoy it again. After all, those little bathing suits with the little ruffles on the fanny are so cute.

And then I actually went bathing suit shopping for Melody. Those suits with the ruffles? Yeah, they are hard to find. You know what's easy to find? These.

Seriously? For a 3 year old? This is more like something I would have worn back in college strutting my stuff around the pool (minus the Hello Kitty print, of course).



And how about this sexy little number?

(Photos credit Macys.com)

I'm sorry, but really? I triangle top string bikini for a preschooler?

Maybe I'm on glue or something but it just seems inappropriate to dress a three year old in something I would wear to look sexy for Edward my husband.

Any thoughts or opinions?

The Sickies

Normally I don't like to post about the state of my children's wellness.

I like to think I have more interesting stuff to post about than who coughed on whom.

However, it seems for the month of February, I actually haven't had anything interesting going on because the only thing that's been going on is the fact that they've been sick.

I credit Jack for starting us off strong with a case of appendicitis.


One less appendix later, and the Germ Fairy has sprinkled us with 5 colds, 3 sinus infections and an ear infections that will be resulting in tubes in the near future.

Following all that, we conclude with another ear infection



and pneumonia.



Freakin' fabulous.

Fortunately, despite the fact that I look like an prescription drug addict when leaving the pharmacy, we're all starting to feel better.

However, I'm pretty sure I'm going to skip February next year.

Or better yet, a month long hiatus to Hawaii.

Who's with me?

Sick

This was Jack all day yesterday.

I'm sure you know what the garbage can is for.



On the upside, I got to have my car detailed.

True Story Tuesday and the fake Christmas tree

You've probably noticed that we have a fake tree. Unless of course, you're used to seeing live trees perfectly triangularly shaped.

We haven't always had a fake tree. Up until Christmas 2006 we had always had a real, live tree.

Christmas 2006 was our first Christmas we stayed at home. Jack was 2 and I was almost 9 months pregnant with Melody.

A few weeks before Christmas we went over to Webb and Lindsey's house for a little Christmas cheer. When we arrived, Lindsey was frantically sweeping the floor. She insisted that she had swept several times that day but that she kept seeing stuff all over the floor. Webb and Alex go in for a closer look and discover (be prepared to be freaked out!) bugs crawling all. over. the. tree.

After completely freaking out (ok, only Lindsey and I freaked out) we quickly un-decorated the tree and disposed of it outside.

When Alex and I got home, we immediately inspected our tree (since we got it at the same place as they did). Fortunately, we were bug free. However, I just couldn't let it go and continually checked it over the next few days. And lo and behold, a few days later (be prepared to freak out again) bugs on my tree!

We un-decorated our tree and took it outside. We went back to the place where we bought it and they let us pick out another tree. After all we had to have a tree on Christmas! After careful inspection, we deemed it bug free and brought it home.

A few days later, on December 23, Jack and I were wrapping a few more gifts and placing them under the tree when I noticed some tiny specks on the floor. Yep, bugs again. (Cue more freaking out.)

I began un-decorating the tree and called one of Alex's buddies to help me drag it outside.

Remember at the beginning of this story when I mentioned that I was almost 9 months pregnant with Melody? Well, I tend to be a little on the dramatic hormonal side all the time when I'm pregnant. So, pregnancy hormones plus having two bug infested trees really pushed me over the edge.

By the time Marc got over here, I had already managed to drag the buggy tree outside. I then lopped off the top, (which was crawling, crawling with bugs by the way) and put it in a garbage bag and headed over to the place we got the tree. When I arrived I asked to see the manager. Looking back, I kind of feel bad for the poor guy. He was this nice guy and I don't think he knew what hit him when my hormones attacked him. I gave him the garbage bag and told every. single. detail. of the two bug infested trees. Including freaking out about how bugs were currently crawling over my very favorite angel tree topper (which was in the bag).

After I was finished he looked at me and asked me what I wanted him to do. My answer was simple and straight forward, "Get all the bugs off my tree topper and let me pick out an artificial tree and give it to me for free."

He didn't hesitate even a second before saying, "Deal." I think he was worried I might go into labor if I got any more worked up!

He took the bag from me and went to work on the tree topper while I walked back to where their artificial trees were. There were slim pickings since it was practically Christmas, however there was one relatively decent, pre-lit tree that I snagged. They loaded it into my car and off we went. My hormones were still raging and I some how managed to get this extremely heavy tree out of the car and up into the house and then I practically had the whole thing up and decorated by the time Alex got home from work.

Here we are in front of our fake, but more importantly, bug-free tree!

We have used the artificial tree for a number of reasons every year since. Convenience is certainly one of those reasons and I'm also a little nervous about having another bug infested tree. However, I think that next year we'll give the real thing another try. After all, finding the perfect tree is all part of the Christmas experience!

Don't forget to head on over to Once Upon a Miracle for some more True Story Tuesdays!

No one's forcing you to read my blog.

Alternately titled "if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all."

Do y'all remember that phrase? Apparently some people's mothers dropped the ball and forgot to mention it to their children.

In the past several weeks, I've gotten several comments (anonymous, of course) that have not followed this mantra.

Now, I have actually deleted them because it ticks me off that I can't respond to the author herself. However, I'm going to post them here and respond to them.

Comment #1

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "a helpful letter to the management at Victoria's S...":

Ok....First of all I work in retail as well. So, just because they didn't kiss your ass doesn't mean they weren't nice or had poor customer quality skills. I don't think you have ever worked for retail, because if you have, then think of it in their perspective. They stand there for up to 8 or more hours a day, trying to re-stock their items and help people when they can. They are on a radio 24/7, and their job requires that if they have a day off and they need a shift covered and they call you, you have to go in. It's an "on call" job. (No I dont work for VS). On the other hand, customers are idiots. They just are. And heaven for bid someone didn't say hello to you, I bet you just exaggerated this whole thing because you were upset. And your kids? Well theres something called a babysiter, your husband, or simply go when you have free time. Shopping with children isn't a good idea anyway. So instead of giving them adivce, give yourself some. Stop being those bitchy customers that complain and deal with it. Not everyone is perfect and just because they don't say hello doesn't mean they don't have good customer service. You need to get a life. Posting blogs about this is really lame, and your a mother you should feel dumb. The only reason why I replied is because I'm constucting a report on them for a business class and stumbled upon this ridiculous site. And one more thing, if you know so much then why don't you go change how they are? Oh wait, you cant. :)

And here's the response I would have sent:
First of all, here’s a little tip for you; proofreading is a good idea. Perhaps you should also look into purchasing a grammar book.

Second of all, I hope you fail your project. And, if it’s full of grammatical errors like your comment was, you probably will.

Thirdly, you’re a customer too, of some place. So, are you including yourself in that idiot comment?

Lastly, someone at Victoria’s Secret’s corporate office saw this and did not think it was lame. In fact, they contacted me and sent me a very generous gift card. Since I’m sure you’ll think I’m lying, here’s a photo for you.

Comment #2:

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "a helpful letter to the management at Victoria's S...":

maybe you shouldnt have hauled around toddlers into vs. theres nothing more annoying than screaming children while your trying to relax and shop. plus you cant expect them to just revolve the entire store around you--there may be handicapped ppl who deserve those rooms. and plus who the hell goes shopping for bras with children? what kind of a freak are you?

And here's what I would have responded with:

If you want to shop and relax at the same time, perhaps you should open an adults only store. In case you aren’t aware, children are people too and have the same rights as you do.

2. I never said my children were screaming. When my children behave poorly in public, I leave. My children were behaving like any other active, happy children.

3. Most people with children go shopping for many items of clothing with their children. Next time you’re in a shopping area try opening your eyes and looking around.

4. I never expected the store to revolve around me. I simply expect to be treated like any other customer who's business is valued.

5. Since you seem to know little if anything about children, I’m assuming you have none. It’s probably because you’re too big a b#(%& to find someone who will marry you. Try being nicer.

And here's comment #3 (who I'm pretty sure is the same person who left comment #2)

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "you don't know what you got until it's gone":

That African tribal women comment was extremely racist and ignorant of you to mention. Oh, and your boobs don't even look like anything special so I wouldn't lament on the past.

And my response:

Ok, first of all, I think you might be ignorant. Ignorant is defined as being uninformed or unaware. I am informed and aware. Since you are apparently unaware of the meaning of the word ignorant, I can only conclude that you are the ignorant one.

Racist? Not so much. I’m not talking about the color of one’s skin. I’m talking about anyone who walks around without a bra on. What if he had said feminist hippies in the 60s and 70s who burned their bras instead of wearing them? It's a simple fact; if you never wear a bra, you're going to sag regardless of the color of your skin.

Believe me, even now my boobs are better than anything you have.

Ok, so there you go. I had my chance to respond. I've also decided to disabled anonymous comments on my blog. I enjoy getting comments, even comments that I disagree with, but I also like to have the opportunity to respond.

Bottom line, if you're going to leave a nasty comment, fine, but man up and own it!

We've moved! (Update)

I have finally convinced my husband that my true calling in life is to be a vampire and last week we moved to Forks, Washington in pursuit of that.




Ok, not really. But it feels like we've moved to the Pacific Northwest with all the rain we've gotten this past week.





I literally have not seen the sun since we were in Cancun two weekends ago!

This was the scene from my front porch at 2:00 Monday afternoon.

Can you see the water coming off the roof?

Luke's water bowl was empty a few days ago.

This is a popular restaurant near (now in) the Chattahoochee River in the Vinings area. (I think my friend Lisa took this photo. I hope she doesn't mind that I swiped it off of Facebook.)

As a result of all this rain, we've had school closing, roads flooded, friends stranded and water damage in homes. Basically it's been a real pain in the A55 rear.
Can anyone please describe the sun to me? I think I've forgotten what it looks like!

*UPDATE* Almost exactly 24 hours after the first picture was taken, I took another one...

I guess our flood is over!

True Story Tuesday - pushing carts

For those of you who don't know, I dislike Target. I know, I know. Many of you are gasping in shock and re-reading that sentence because, certainly I didn't mean it!

Sorry, it's true. Shopping at Target is just impulse buying at it's worst. You can't come out of Target without spending $100. Plus there's no running in for something really quick. No, Target is always a process.

I try to go as little as possible, but sometimes a trip there is unavoidable.

For some reason, I made the mistake of making my first outing with three small children a Target outing.

There is a Target right by our house, but for some reason I decided to go to this other Target still relatively close but a little farther away. This Target is recently redone and pretty nice. It does have a Starbucks in it which makes it slightly better. However since there are no cup holders in the carts, walking around, monitoring three children and pushing a cart while holding a Starbucks really isn't possible for someone with a mere two arms. Seriously, think outside the box people.

Anyway, we go into Target, get the 3 things on our list as well as about 10 other items since Target is designed to increase impulse buying exponentially. We check out and get ready to walk out the door when I notice it's raining.

Fan-freakin'-tastic.

Three children, one who is an infant only a few weeks old, and several bags of stuff.

I decide to make a run for it. Melody and Charlie are both in the cart and I grab Jack's hand and tell him to walk very fast with me. We make it to the car, I grab Charlie's carrier, snap him in, throw the bags in as Jack climbs in and then grab Melody. As I place her in the car, her foot slips and she falls out on her head. Yes, you read that right, smack on her head. I pick her up and jump in the car with her (as it's now raining harder and I'm pretty wet and cold) and shut the door. (She was alright and just a little scared.)

Now is probably a good time to mention that for some reason Target's parking lot is on a hill. Seriously, what kind of building planner thought that was a good idea. Um, yeah, let's built a store where 90% of the people use carts to shop and put the parking lot on a hill. And not a slight hill either, it's pretty steep!

So, after I closed the door, I'm pretty sure my cart rolled away. I have no idea where it went and since my baby had fallen flat on her face I really couldn't care less.

However I'm assuming it bumped another car.

I'm assuming this because a few seconds later some punk 20 something kid with an earring came up and tapped on my window to inform me that he saw me "pushing carts in the parking lot".

I informed him that I pushed nothing and that my baby had fallen on her face and I didn't give a rats A55 where my cart went after that. And for that matter, if they didn't expect carts to roll around they shouldn't have built the Target on a freakin' hill!

He then informs me he's going to call the police and report me.

Um, obviously he's never dealt with a wet, cold, sleep-deprived, lactating, still-fat-from-baby-weight-and-not-happy-about-it mom before.

I opened the door and told him that would be wonderful and when they get here they could go ahead and arrest him for harassing me. And that if he continued to harass me while I waited for them to arrest him that would be OK because I had enough adrenaline and hormone surging through my body to flatten his A55 right then and there.

He got the message and just turned and scurried out of there.

So there you go, my first outing by myself as a mommy of three and I get busted for pushing carts.

Check out more true stories at Once Upon a Miracle.

an open letter to Warner Brothers

Dear Prats (aka screenwriters at Warner Brothers),

Thank you for making such an awesome movie. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince was fun, had great effects, and was very entertaining.

However, simply stating that a movie is based on a book and naming the characters after characters in the book does not actually mean it is based on the book. We had this problem in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix as well.

I think I have found a solution to the problem; it would be helpful to read the book first. This will enlighten you as to what actually happens. Also, by reading the book, other characters pertinent to the story can be incorporated into the film.

By following this simple step, hopefully it will help lower your chances of getting attacked by an angry mob welding hardback Harry Potter books.

Bloody Hell,

Emily

True Story Tuesday - not Kroger too!

Remember this experience I had last week when I went to get some help for the girls?

Apparently it was bad customer service week or something!

The next day I went to Kroger for my weekly grocery shopping. Jack was at camp, but I had Charlie (sweetly seated in the front of the cart) and Melody (sitting in the back where she unfortunately had easy access to the shelves!).

It should be noted that I loathe despise hate dislike going to the grocery store. As a result I put if off for as long as possible. Since I hadn't been in two weeks and we had been out of milk for over 24 hours I simply had to go.

We had an uneventful shopping experience until we got to the check out. It seemed that there was only one lane opened. So I got behind this woman who I'm pretty sure was buying her groceries with pennies. As I was waiting (and waiting and waiting) I noticed a lot of action a few lanes over. Apparently that lane was open and the cashier had simply forgotten to turn on his light. Ok, I was pretty irritated over that but whatever it was finally my turn so I just moved on. The cashier started ringing up my groceries and I look over at the girl bagging them and realize that she's putting the bagged groceries in the cart with the two children.

Do you remember how I just said I hadn't gone to the store in two weeks? Yeah, believe me, it was quite a balancing act getting all those groceries around two small children. Poor Melody was pretty much buried with groceries. Ain't no way all those bags are going to fit in that cart!

So I say, "Um, they're not all going to fit in that cart. You're going to have to get another one." Duh! *head smack!*

I finish paying and bagging girl looks at me and (completely seriously) says, "Do you want help out?"

Um, no, that's Ok, I'll just grab my handy-dandy extra set of arms here and take both carts out. By myself. In the rain.

Duh! *head smack again!*

And that experience was the end of a long line of poor customer service I've recently experienced at Kroger.

I shop at Publix now.

a helpful letter to the management at Victoria's Secret

Dear Manager at Victoria's Secret,

I'm so sorry to see the that the recession has hit your store so hard. Apparently you can no longer provide any sort of customer service training for your employees.

Here are a few tips, free of charge, that might help you improve the very lacking customer service.

1. When a customer walks in the store, look at them and acknowledge presence with a "hello, how are you today." Or, at the very least, a head nod.

2. When said customer has an armful of bras and is pushing a double stroller, feel free to ask if they need help or would like their selected items to be placed in a dressing room.

3. In the event that said employee does not do that and the customer finally asks for a dressing room, note that she is pushing a double stroller and will need the largest dressing room. This is not to be confused with the smallest dressing room. If said customer is not accommodated, please note that two unruly children will be running and/or crawling around the store, one of whom is very fond of taking the panties out of the drawer and flinging them haphazardly. The other will merely be content to chew on the panties that have been flung.

4. When customer asks for a bra in a different size yet the same color and the store does not have that size/color combination in stock, do not stand there blankly staring at the wall. Lift your arm and gesture towards the slightly different but very similar style of bra a few racks over. Walking over there and looking to see if preferred bra size/color is available would be an even better option.

5. In the event that no one is at the register, yet an employee is standing near the register, direct said employee to either a) go to register to assist customer or b) use store-issued headset/walkie talkie to contact other employee in assisting customer.

I hope you find these tips helpful.

Seriously ticked off,

Emily

*UPDATE* After I posted this, I was contacted by a manager at VS's corporate offices and they sent me a gift card in response to my poor experience.